What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
