i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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