The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
foreskin is a definite game changer
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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