I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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