Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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