dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
