Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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