according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
