I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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