So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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