Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
