Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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