Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
