shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
