Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
