May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
only you would photoshop your dick
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
