I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
