You smell like a Billy Joel song
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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