Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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