But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
