I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize