This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
