apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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