Michael Bay diarrhea
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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