Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize