It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
