It's Friday. Sex?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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