What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
