Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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