I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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