i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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