I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
