do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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