You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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