Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Your tits are I can't wait for
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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