I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The power of my boobs compel you
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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