so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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