why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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