Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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