I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
