we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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