I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
