i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
