so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
