I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
pray to the hookup gods
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
