What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i love accidental penises.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
