i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
