Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How external is "for external use only"?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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