During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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