the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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