no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
