Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize