she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
