my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
