it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
