I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
