I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
