He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
vagina is talking i cant
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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