Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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