Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
