i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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