hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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