I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Don't make out with my wife yet
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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