dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
