Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
