3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
