Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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