Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
