last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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