Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize