You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
