the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
